Lenten Journal (Sun Feb 26th): Mama

Dear Lord,

Today I’d like to take the time to thank you for mothers. All mothers. 

Lord, You blessed me with a wonderful earthly mother. A strong, kind, intelligent woman who has taught her children how to love unconditionally, and who has led them all to You. She has taught me so much, and I am so very thankful for her. I know that some daughters don’t get along with their mothers, or don’t appreciate everything they do. My mom has helped me through depression, EDNOS, insomnia, and normal teenage problems with the utmost care and patience. Even when I was unreasonable, she was there to hold and love me until I could see clearly again. She is the one I turn to when things go wrong, and the one I go running to when I’m joyful. My phone calls home to her make me stronger, and she never ceases to teach me what it means to be an adult in this world. 

My earthly mother is amazing, Lord, and my grandmothers and my godmother are the picture of strength. You have given me so many inspiring female role models to look up to, so many wonderful women to model myself after as I grew. Sister Joanne, Karen “Mama Bear”, Mama A…
But most of all, best of all, you gave us all a mother in Mary. Our gentle mother, who looks after all of us with incredible love. We love her son and she loves us, looks after us, prays for us as any mother would. She is beautiful and wonderful and good, and she is perhaps the most misunderstood part of being Catholic. But she is also one of the best things, the one who gave us the Rosary to pray, who has appeared to children and patrons the Americas. 

And, Lord, I think you’re calling me to be a mother. I feel it every time I hold a child, every time I babysit that precious little girl with blonde curls and bright blue eyes, who nestles her head against my collarbone and sleeps, sleeps, sleeps, who trusts me to take care of her and laughs when I do. I feel it in the almost-overpowering love and protectiveness I feel toward basically every infant I see. And maybe that’s just natural, maybe I’m mistaken, but Lord…I’m starting to think that I’m not. Every so often, I picture myself living a religious life, becoming a Poor Clare and walking shining floors in my bare feet. And that life? It seems so amazing, God. It seems idyllic, and a part of me wishes I were called to it. But I really don’t think that I am. If I’m mistaken, Lord, let me know. I only wish to do Your will. And if Your will is, actually, entering a convent I will do it with a whole and willing heart and the brightest smile on my face. But if your wish, Lord, is to give me a husband and little children to call me Mommy, for my to teach, to lead to You, to love, I will devote every thing that I am to that. This Lent, Father, help me to continue to discern whatever it is You are calling me to. Keep me patient, Lord. I trust You entirely, and so I won’t ask for anything more than that. Keep me patient. Help me to wait for my future, planned by You. I love you, Lord. I wish only to do what You ask of me. Open my ears, Lord. Help me to hear Your voice. 

@3 months ago